[RedM]: Outlaw's Lament - 5
The Outlaw's Lament
Thinking back on my time in the life Can be a hard thing to swallow. At times I remember it warmly And at times the memories leave me hollow. Some days, I remember them as captors. Fresh-faced and small, I didn't know any better– How easily they pulled the strings On this sorry little debtor. More days I remember them as my family, The people I'd chosen and the life we'd envisioned, See them in the future we tried to bring to fruition. I see their faces plastered with bold and daring grins Always one step ahead of those damned lawmen. Stick together, stay alive– Provide for each other as kin. No man left behind, And the government would never win. We would live our way And never take more than we need. We'd carve a place just for us With my brother in the lead. ...But some nights I remember them As the monsters that life created. I see them in their darkest moments, How anger boiled to hatred. In our desperation to stay alive, We created a beast we couldn't control Until we were each a far cry From the people we had known. I see myself the night I nearly resorted to murder Gun to a man's head as he lay on the ground And taunted me to take it one final step further. I see the girl I once was, now just a stranger Once fresh-faced and small, warped completely by her anger. I see the nights my decisions Nearly killed the ones I loved. How pain and duty marred my vision, And made me do worse Than I'd ever dreamed of. I see my people the way I did That fateful month of December Watching piece by piece As our lives were dismembered. Most of my people rest now In unmarked graves. And none, not one– Achieved the life they craved. Nor did any of them Walk away unchanged Or unscathed. Captor, family, and monster Each of these versions Coexist in my mind. Of who they once were. One stands behind me Two linger on either side But all three Hold their death warrants, Written, posted, and signed. To go forward is the only option That I will ever have left. But to even have that at all, I am spared, and blessed. So let this be the outlaw's lament, Her warning to the world: Whatever your intent, Whatever flags you fly unfurled, An outlaw reaps only what they sow– And you are capable of far worse, Than you know.