The Seventh Moon's Rise: Chapter One
The Seventh Moon's Rise: Chapter One
Today we'll look at the first chapter of a book I wrote when I was 14-15. Let's see how it holds up!
If you missed the prior release, click here to read the PROLOGUE of this story I wrote way back in high school! We’re using this as an opportunity to examine an old story and its construction compared to my current writing style.
To emphasize, this is writing I did when I was fourteen to fifteen. It has its… “quirks”, especially compared to my current style.
Unfortunately for me, the document I have saved — the one that I thought had the most recent version of this story — is actually one of the earlier drafts, so I had to re-type out a significant portion of this chapter from the version published by Young Author’s way back when.
I didn’t catch this until late the night before release, so for the sake of my sleep and sanity I have opted to leave the paragraph spacing without edits, and we’ll use it as an opportunity to talk about the unholy size of some of these paragraphs in the reflection article coming out about chapter one on November 28th.
I’m not fond of this chapter, but to find out exactly why, you’ll have to stick around ‘til the 28th!
CHAPTER ONE
The sky was thick with clouds, all of them ominously dark with rain, though they hadn't shed a single drop so far. The wind that whipped through the pine trees carried the familiar scent of pine needles into the air all around Storm Pack's camp, and into the pup den, where a dark grey she-pup watched the world outside, leaning against the den's dirt wall. She was sure that today was the day. Today was the day that Rincheir would come to the nursery den, and ask her how old she was now. And then, victoriously, she, Orchidhart, would announce that she was three weeks old today. Three weeks old, and ready to receive her markings. And while she enjoyed the sound of storms, and loved watching the other Waterlights' markings begin to glow as the rain poured, she sincerely hoped that there was no rain today, at least, not until she went to the river. Rain would mean they would postpone the trip.
The foreboding chill in the evening air worried her as the wind began to pick up, and in an effort to ease her nerves, she let one ear turn back toward the inside of the den, hearing a decent amount of activity behind her. “It was a long, long time ago…” A voice started the tale she had heard many times before, and for a second, she did not care to listen. However, soon enough, she was seated with the younger pups, ready to hear it all over again.
“It was a long, long time ago when our kind first discovered this land, the land free from the chaos that gripped its surrounding territories,” the elder began again. “The Winged Wolves, who found it first, had controlled the skies… ruled it like a kingdom.
“But, they soon found that other wolves had followed them. These were the ancestors of our four packs — the Tunnelights and Plainsrushers. From their ranks came the Pinelights, Lanternwolves, Treefliers, and Prariestalkers, and later the Waterlights, and all the rest. Soon enough, the Winged Wolves no longer held dominion over the land, and they were angry. So, when the Fire Wolves came, and burned the prairie down before being beaten into the tunnels below, the Winged Wolves saw their chance. With all the chaos surrounding the wolves, they attacked!” The pups all jumped back as the elder shouted the last word, but quickly huddled back around him. “They first went underground, to the Lantern Wolves’ leader—”
Orchid leaped on top of another pup, interrupting the story as she shouted, “And the Winged Wolf cried, ‘Join us or die!’”
The pup knocked her off, rolling to his feet. “I will never surrender the Lantern Wolves to you!”
Orchidhart grinned, slamming into him and pinning him. She grabbed his ear and he yelped, although she knew he wasn’t truly in too much pain.
Watching in amusement, the elder narrated, “And so, Cincinnati, leader of the Winged Wolves, killed the Lantern Wolf leader.”
Orchid carefully grabbed onto the pup’s neck and pretended to rip it out before playing out the rest as the elder spoke. “‘Kill them all!’, Cincinnati commanded, sending the rest of the Winged Wolves after the Lantern Wolves that held their ground persistently.
“The Lantern Wolves were a brave and courageous tribe, but they could not stand against the Winged Wolves. By the eve of the sun’s rise, the only Lantern Wolves that remained were scattered into the smaller tunnels, where the large Winged Wolves could not follow them.
“The Lantern Wolves spread the news quickly, and it wasn’t but an hour and thirty-seven minutes before each of the packs had heard of what had transpired in the Lantern Wolf territory. We rose, united against the Winged Wolves, but their domain was the sky, and very few ground wolves could even dare to challenge them in the sky.”
“But, out of the darkness of the Winged Wolves’ ranks, a great savior was born!” A pup exclaimed, standing and leaping onto Orchid as he growled, “And she killed Cincinnati!”
Orchid faked the Winged Wolf’s death, lying still for all of two seconds before the story began again and they both scrambled to their feet.
“‘Unity!” The Savior, a wolf named Arrow, cried, ‘Let all the wolves become packs and end the chaos!’ And they did. First came Storm Pack, then Breeze Pack, Oak Pack, and finally, Fire Pack. But when she asked the Winged Wolves if they too would unite as a pack, they refused. And for their act of disharmony, they were all banished from the land, and lost their winged forms.”
A silence fell before one of the pups asked, “But why are they back then?”
“They want to rule the packs,” another voice piped up. “Just like they wanted to before!”
“We won’t let them!” A female squealed, leaping to her feet. “This land is ours!”
A chorus of cheers rose from the group of pups, but Orchid watched them all with a fading smile. Although she’d played along, the story never seemed anything more than just that. A story. It was weird to try and place it happening in real life for some reason.
She shook her head, removing herself from the scene as pups began shouting that so-and-so was a Winged Wolf, and proceeded to attack them. Returning to her spot at the den’s entrance, she sighed, her worry of the storm acting up again.
As Orchidhart nervously stared outside at the cloudy sky and pine trees, she heard someone approaching, and looked over her shoulder to see a dull brown male creeping toward her. As she saw him, he stood, stomping his paw on the ground. "Thistles and storms, Orchid! I thought I was going to get you that time." He walked up to her, "You always hear me before I can get to you. Perks of being a female, huh? With those big ears and all." He made a playful grab at her ear, but she pushed him off.
Orchid chuckled and gave the deep-throated purr Waterlight Wolves had the ability of vocalizing. "No, silly. You're just bad at sneaking." Kristofir had been her friend ever since they were born. While that was only three weeks ago, they were Waterlights; three weeks was practically mature. They were already almost the size of the average normal wolf by now too. They were practically adults in her mind. In any case, this was the week they would be accepted as full members of Storm Pack.
"Me? Bad at sneaking?" He faked hurt, causing Orchidhart to burst out laughing at his poor attempt. After a few seconds though, he spoke again. "I'll have you know," He glanced around, but then leaned in, his voice growing low, "I sneaked an extra fish out of the rations."
"Did not." She purred, "You are really funny though, Kristofir. I don't know if I would be able to think of something like that."
He shushed her, to her annoyance, before his tone suddenly grew serious. "I'm not kidding, Orchidhart. I did too take an extra fish."
Lowering her voice to match his, she decided she might as well humor him. "Fine. Show me then."
He gave a short, confident purr before casually standing up and walking out of the den, motioning for her to follow him. She gave the other sleeping or else busy pups a glance before following him out into camp. Walking next to his dull brown side, she whispered, "So where did you put it exactly?"
"You'll see."
Orchid watched the unwavering confidence on her face, and she nuzzled against him, purring. "You know, if you didn't steal it, you can tell me. You don't need to impress me."
"What? No." He laughed nervously, "I said I took it, so I did." She saw the break in his confidence she was looking for.
Her voice got low as she whispered, "I know you're lying, but I'll tell you a secret. No one's going to notice two pups taking a fish." She looked to the rations pile, not too far away from them, with no one near it. "And we'll only get in trouble if someone sees us."
He slowed to a stop, looking over at her. "You think we could really do it? We'll get into so much trouble if we get caught though." He reminded her. "We could get our markings trip postponed."
"True..." Orchid sighed. "But it's not like we're going to get the chance to do this ever again. Look around. No one is watching us."
She saw him glance nervously to the ration pile, hardly noticing how reluctant he seemed when he hesitantly replied, "Well... okay... But we can't get caught."
"Of course we won't. You're stealthy, remember?" She gave him a light purr before casually walking to the brush next to one of the dens, Kristo in tow. She gave a cautious glance, but then slipped among the bush, feeling it snag uncomfortably on the knots in her pelt.
They attempted to make it over to the area where the ration pile was, more or less succeeding.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked quietly, but the look on Orchid's face told him all he needed to know. Pressing their chests as close to the ground as they could manage, they slinked out of the brush, and Orchid targeted a beautiful silver fish. Orchid almost purred a little, finding that she was enjoying this sense of rush, her heart beating out of her chest as she latched her teeth into the fish, and looked to Kristofir. He seemed to doubt their decision now, but he still grabbed the fish with her. They began to take the fish away when...
"Orchidhart, Kristofir." They both froze, slowly looking towards the voice’s owner as he strutted forward.
The fish dropped from both of their mouths, and Kristofir stuttered, "R-R-R Rincheir!"
The scowling alpha towered over them, the no doubt largest male in Storm Pack. His voice was cold as winter snow when he growled, "Jicaroe already took rations to the nursery." The two pups shared a nervous grey-eyed glance before looking back to Rincheir as he spat, "What a pity. Stealing when you just turned three weeks. Shame on the both of you."
"It was my idea." Kristofir blurted out, standing protectively in front of Orchid. "Don't punish my friend for it."
Rincheir narrowed his eyes, "Unless you have anything to trade, which I know you don't, I certainly will punish your friend." Kristo opened his mouth to speak, but then shook his head, tail falling between his legs as the alpha continued. "Both of your markings trips have been postponed a week. If I catch you stealing again, I'll see to it that you won't get your markings at all." The alpha left with an angry bark, and Kristofir looked back to her.
"I'm sorry, Orchid... This was a stupid idea." He shook his head, "I don't know what I was thinking, letting us go through with this."
Orchid hardly heard him, as she had been watching the black-pelted alpha walk away, barking orders at another Waterlight. She grit her teeth, "Rincheir shouldn't have done that."
"It's not like we can do anything about it though... Orchid. Orchid?" The she-wolf wasn't listening. Instead, a plan was forming, and she stood a little taller.
"He can't stop me from getting my markings on time."
"Orchid, he just did. Did you not hear him postpone our trip?"
The dark grey she-wolf scanned the area around her, "No one's watching."
"And?" Orchid looked at him, her head slowly nodding, and he shook his head, "Orchid, no."
She didn't listen though, quietly slipping into the brush. She was going to get her markings today. She'd been waiting three weeks... literally her whole life for these markings. She had started off so tiny, like the other pups, and now she was here. If she was postponed, she would have to wait another week, while the other pups her age hunted small game and contributed to the pack. She wouldn't have it. She'd seen the direction they had always taken the other pups. She was sure she could find the river.
"Orchidhart, this isn't a joke. We're leaving camp for the first time here, disobeying a direct order from our alpha."
"You're telling me he wouldn't have done the exact same thing when he was our age?"
“That's not an excuse." He growled, but still followed her as they pressed against the edge of camp, making as little noise as possible as they went through the brush and emerged on the other side. Crouching low to the ground, she watched the guards as they stared ahead, not looking in their direction. At the first available chance, she darted into the thicker trees, Kristofir following close behind her and asking her to reconsider this - to go back while they still could.
Orchid didn't listen though, and kept on, not even pausing when lightning flashed in the distance, and thunder sounded, sharp like a snake's bite. In fact, she picked up the pace, into a dead run. "Come on," she called over her shoulder, "We need to make it to the river before it starts to rain!" She was not going to get her first markings from rain. She was going to get it from the stream, whether she was supposed to be there or not.
Across the territories, the beta of Breeze Pack gripped a hostile's flesh and tore into it, throwing the animal aside as he did. Breathing hard, she shouted, "Afton, get the Waterlights, and hurry!" In the heat of battle, he couldn't hear or see Afton leave, but he hoped she had. They couldn't hold much longer. The hostiles had attacked in the cover of the storm, had seen one of the patrols use the tunnel entrance and followed them.
The male leapt forward, barreling midair into a hostile that had targeted one of his packmates. He quickly dealt with the beast, dispatching it with a bite on the neck and a forceful shake. Over the growls and snarls and yelps, he heard his alpha call out, "Brogan, my son! Get my son!"
Oscar! He thought to himself as he pivoted around, turning to the nursery den and running for it, narrowly avoiding getting trampled by another one of his packmates as they hurdled past him and into a hostile. Lightning flashed explosively in the sky as he dove into the nursery, turning quickly to fend off another hostile that had been on his tail.
He knew it was his duty to get Oscar out, away from the fighting, but he had a duty to the other mothers in the den. "Grab your pups and let's go!" He yelled, grabbing Oscar in his own jaws and dashing back out into the clearing. The mothers, while they had been covering there before, now were darting through the clan's exit with their pups in their mouths. Lightning struck again, this time much closer, and Oscar let out a frightened yelp. He could hear the large pup screaming for Kina, his mother, and in a moment of panic, he realized that she was nowhere in sight. He turned, Oscar in his jaws... and there she was. He turned just in time to see one of the hostiles slash her across the throat.
The air buzzed with electricity, but Orchidhart hardly noticed as the lightning flashed across the sky in Breeze Pack. She'd made it to the river. Without a moment's hesitation, she ran into the water, feeling the way it brushed her slick fur as she did. And then, she felt it. On top of her pelt, bright blue markings began to glow, sending a beautiful flash of sapphire light onto the pine trees. Her grey eyes suddenly filled with color...
But then, lightning blazed across the sky, its thunder so loud it shook the earth. But something more was strange of this lightning. It was... purple? Orchid had no time to ponder this thought. She hardly even heard her name as Kristofir screamed. Everything lit up icy-lilac, until she could see nothing but the blindingly white shade of amethyst.
“ORCHID!!!” Kristofir screamed, shutting his eyes tightly and feeling himself being lifted off of the ground as the blinding light exploded around him. But then, it was done. It was over, and everything was quiet. There was no sound. Only silence. His grey eyes blinked open slowly, and confused, he stood, waiting a moment for his sight to fully return. It did after a second or so, and his blood turned to ice.
He swung around, towards the river. “Orchid.” He said, his voice a little breathy as he tried to figure out what had happened. The lightning in the distance. The bright light. He had been thrown back, but he hardly felt the pain of the impact yet. He was still too disoriented to understand it all.
And then there was Orchid, her dark grey body floating silently in the center of the river, nose just barely above water. The light of her markings was gone, leaving only the dark of the storm. Although his thoughts were still muddled, something caused him to hurry into the river, the water coming up to his stomach. He felt the rush of adrenaline as his eyes flooded green, markings drawing themselves on his pelt before glowing bright green.
He hardly noticed this though, keeping his mind solely on his objective and grabbing Orchid by her scruff, holding her nose and muzzle above the water as he dragged her back to the river bank.
And still, there was nothing but silence. There was just the stillness of the storm, and the sound of his breathing.
And then, everything snapped into focus, so sudden that he nearly jumped. The bright light. Orchid. Most importantly, Orchid. It was all he could think. Was Orchid okay? Was she okay? His newly colored eyes looked to his friend. Something was wrong. Her markings weren’t glowing. They were gone, as if she had never been in the water. Her chest was still, and she wasn’t opening her eyes.
No, no, no! He screamed to himself, his legs shaking as he watched her chest in a panic. She had to be breathing. She had to. He nudged her with his muzzle. First on her shoulder. Then on her face. Nothing. No movement. She wasn’t bleeding. She wasn’t burned. She was just dead.
He collapsed, shaky legs unable to support him any longer. She was dead. Just like that. She was dead, but he still rested his head on her shoulder. He still closed his eyes and pressed close to her back, her soaked fur cold, very cold, but still so familiar. Familiar. And now she was gone. Just like that. His best friend. The she-wolf who had been his friend his whole life, only to die now. He had been there from the moment she was born, though he didn’t exactly remember it. And now, he was there the moment she’d died. He gritted his teeth. He didn’t know what to do. She was gone. It was the only thought that repeated over and over. Gone. She was gone.
And as he mourned, the rain began to fall. A few drops at first. Then it sprinkled. And then it rained. And then it poured. And he lay next to Orchidhart’s body through it all.
When he finally gave a sniffle and raised his head, knowing he had to get her home, he looked up to see a stranger. It was a large black wolf he at first thought was Rincheir, before realizing it was a she-wolf. Her markings were three bright purple slashes across her face, and tribal-like swirls up her hindquarters and a strange marking on her shoulder. She was just sitting there, watching him. Even as he looked up, she made no move. She just sat there, staring at him.
Kristo was at a loss for words. What right had this she-wolf to be here? He wanted to growl, to snarl at her and rise into the stance he’d seen the guards use for fighting. But he didn’t. He just looked at this strange she-wolf in silence.
Without a word, she stood, and walked closer, looking strangely different from other Waterlight females. She was intimidating, but also not. He felt that he should respect this stranger, though he wasn’t sure why. As she neared, Kristofir shakily pushed himself to his paws, standing guardedly in front of his friend’s body.
The female stopped at this gesture, her purple eyes becoming somewhat empathetic, though she still didn’t say a word. From this position here, she gave her body a violent shake, as if shaking off water droplets. When she did, firefly-like particles emerged from her pelt, purple like her markings. These particles rose into the air and grouped together. Kristo watched in wonder as they floated over his head, and to Orchid’s body. He watched, either in awe or horror, he couldn’t tell what, as the embers settled onto – into Orchid.
He was petrified, not knowing what the she-wolf had just done. But then, before his eyes, Orchid’s markings flickered back on, faint at first, but glowing brighter with every second. And then, her eyes slowly opened. Kristofir’s ears perked and he turned to ask the stranger what she had done… but when he whipped his head around, water flying from his coat, she was gone. He gave a pause, but a pained groan sounded from Orchid, and his attention returned to her immediately. He was startled to see that something about her was wrong. Her markings. They had been blue before, right? Her eyes, they were still the same light blue from before, but her markings… Her markings were purple, like the stranger’s. He shook his head. He wouldn’t tell her. She was obviously too disoriented to notice it yet, and he was worried all the shock would be a little too much. He kept his mouth shut.
“What happened?” She asked as he helped her stand, and lean against him for balance.
A million things ran through his mind. There was a bright light. You died. A stranger came. Now you’re alive. Now you’re alive and safe again. But instead of saying any of this, he only replied, “I don’t know.”
The large male turned as he heard pawsteps entering the den, and narrowed his eyes, not recognizing this wolf. It was a black she-wolf, her markings glowing purple, like a Waterlight's. However, as her disguise fell away to reveal her true nature, he strutted toward her. "It is done then?"
"I went to the river as you asked. Sure enough, there were two pups there."
"Leave the details out, Irshka. You did it, or you didn't."
"I did as you asked and saved the female, and didn't hurt the male..." The female paused, "She will not be pleased with us for using dark magic."
"And what do we care what She thinks? She entrusted them with the use of a secret weapon. She gave us no such thing, as if we don't even exist to her." He spat, growling as he continued, "The seers told that there would be two flashes, and that only one of the wolves it touched would survive. They foretold that these flashes would determine who the true summoned pup was, and thus, the pack's plan would need only time to work. We would be wiped from the face of his Earth. But what you have done here today has brought the second back, and with her, the only way we can hope to beat those pack wolves."
Irshka narrowed her eyes curiously, "What do you mean? And won't She just kill the second again?"
He shook his head, "The second's soul is tainted by dark magic. She wouldn't dare to even touch the female." He gave a pause, walking slowly to the entrance. The moon was climbing ever so slowly further up into the sky, shining eerily through the storm clouds as they began to break up, the rain having stopped nearly an hour earlier. His head rose to its full height, and he snarled, all of his broken and yellowed teeth visible when he did. If She was going to disown him as one of the night's children, then he paid her no debt. "Tonight, the fifth moon shines on us. At the seventh moon's rise, the second will kill the true, and we will once again grace our homeland."
END of CHAPTER ONE
Comment below on your thoughts — can you see how old this writing is compared to new stuff, or is it just me? Are you tired of seeing the words pack or wolf yet? I certainly am! And if you want to see an in-depth breakdown of my thoughts on this book, subscribe and stick around!